Can You Hear it?

     I sat across from a friend today listening to her talk about her new realization in life.  She had been reading a book about finding her inner talents/genius.  She had discovered what she wanted and made new realizations about herself that she already knew, but did not realize yet.  It was a normal conversation we always have about finding who you are and exploring all possibilities within your self.  Should have been normal.  But not all was normal today about this conversation.
    As she spoke more freely and as she grew more passionate I felt like something was missing.  Something was just not right.  It was then I realized this would be one of those moments in a movie where the music would rise and swell with the call of Trumpets, Trombones, and the inevitable triumphant cry of a French Horn.
     It is sad to know that our lives aren't backed up by a motion picture soundtrack.  Oh how movies have painted a pretty picture for us about our lives.  Moments in real life never seem to be quite the way we think them to be.  But on most occasions, I do feel the drive of some invisible symphony playing the music of my life.  My own theme song.  My own every day music that says this is what I feel and the music reflects who I am.
     My favorite thing about watching a movie or a tv show is how the music makes me feel.  It adds such a wonderful element in helping create an emotion that the director is seeking to pull out of his viewer.  When I get chills and feel my inner being start to cry, it makes me feel more alive.
     A particular favorite song of mine is "Keep Breathing" by Ingrid Michaelson.  Her song was used in an episode of Grey's Anatomy when Kristina's fiance left her at the alter.  And the song makes so much sense.  It's so simple, and so straight forward.  It pulled all of that emotion of being left alone and unwanted right out of me.  I couldn't help but cry.  It made me think of my previous relationships.  And the music with the moment in the show did exactly what it was supposed to do.  It pulled out that emotion.
    When I can't express in words how I feel, the music does it for me.  It is the universal language that every one can understand.  My universal language that I love is forever with me.  If I could write a symphony for every day emotions and happenings I would.  But sadly enough there's not enough time.  These few laps around the sun are limited.
     So to my friend who found more of her voice through her reading and discovering her own talents, I hope that you could feel the small symphony that played for us today.  It was quite beautiful and a gift from God.  And I thank God for that small bit of a symphony to help give us life!  Until next time this is life as I know it.  Or at least I think.......
  
     "Music is what feeling sounds like.  It washes away the dust of the souls of ever day life"  -Unknown

So Tired....

     All I can do is yawn right now.  Usually it doesn't bother me.  Today it does though.  I have not done much to be tired.  Due to lovely snowfall in NC, I have been confined to the four walls of my apartment reduced to do nothing much other than play on the computer and watch TV.  I probably could have cleaned, but I have been too lazy.  

     Sure we all grow tired of many things in life.  I often grow tired of people who can't drive normally resulting in my screaming at people in a fit from road rage.  I get tired of going to work every day just to be  going through the motions to get a pay check.  Something else I have grown tired of is plain stupidity and people not wanting to better themselves because it's the "southern way" or because people are just close minded in general. (no offense to any one living in the south)

     In a sense there are plenty things we grow tired of.  But are we truly tired?  Have we truly worked toward something with all of our being to say that we actually "worked" for it.  Do we have true reasons to be tired of something?  I know it's a common statement that we all make.  "I'm tired of this.  I'm tired of that."

     I also think of the mother who stays up until 3:00 in the morning with her baby knowing that she has to be to work in two hours.  How tired she will be during the day.  A man goes to work and takes all of his grief from home with him knowing that his wife could just leave him when she very well pleased.  How mentally exhausting and tired he will be during the day.  A family has lost a loved one, spending their nights crying out in agony because that person has gone from this world.  How tired they will be for months to come.  There are many more descriptions that can fit this.  Many people today are truly tired because of stress, emotional fatigue, and heart break.  I would know.  I have been there many times.

     So I guess the best thing for me to say is that tonight I am not tired.  I am just a little on the sleepy side.  And when I grow sleepy, I know that a few hours of rest can get me right back up on my feet.  I know that I can put my trust in God and he will give me rest as well.  Not just physically, but mentally and spiritually.  Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  This is a true assurance knowing that when I am truly tired (not agitated or frustrated) that I will find the rest that I need in Jesus.  

     Until next time, let our revolutions around the sun be prosperous ones.  For now this is life as I know it.  Or at least I think.......

There's a Beginning to everything

     My new beginning began last year.  I found myself starting fresh.  Starting anew.  The only problem was that it wasn't the new start I wanted.  Trying to find a job was impossible in the economy.  Being fresh out of college, I looked for jobs all summer long.  There was no luck.  There was one job that I know I had in the bag, but I was rejected.  I guess that's what I get for being cocky about the whole situation.
     I continued to pray.  Finally, a friend called and helped me get a job.  It wasn't where I wanted to be by a long shot.  But I had a job!  A stable, steady paying job.  My hopes were high going into my newly acquired position.  Many ideas flooded my head about how I was going to make a difference.  I was so excited and my hopes were very high.  Soon after I got my feet wet, I realized that those intentions were a lot easier said than done.
    Soon I became very discouraged.  Hating my job became my top emotion.  Hating who I worked with filled my mind.  Not everything was bad, but I was just unhappy.  Not only was I unhappy in my job, I was unhappy in life in general.  I had to call off a relationship with a really nice guy, moved away from my family, left all my friends hundred of miles away, and I came here to a desolate wasteland for meeting people my age.  The only people who live here are settled down married couples, older married couples, and widows and widowers.
     I would come home every day and cry.  That's all I could do.  I tried to go to church and find comfort in knowing that God had a plan for me, but it didn't always work.  I longed for compassion from another human being so badly that I made myself sick.  I just hated everything.
     When Christmas rolled around I didn't want to have anything to do with it.  I went home, met up with family, exchanged gifts, and that was it.  I just went through the motions.  I couldn't wait for Christmas to be over.  It made me sick to think of every one being so happy.  When the new year rolled around I still hadn't felt much better.  Then one day I woke up out of a deep sleep and I told myself "Get over yourself and grow up!"  It was just a day that I needed long before but I wasn't willing to accept it.
     After that day I had such a better outlook about my job.  I stayed positive.  I tried to get myself involved in church as much as possible weather it was here where I now live or when I would go home to spend time with family.  It took me a while to realize that God had blessed me with a lot of good things in my life.  I was just letting myself get in the way.  It was hard to realize that there were others who were having it harder than I was because of my own selfishness.
     The reason why I have labeled my blog "Spinning Lap Around The Sun" is because that's what we are doing.  Every year that passes is just one more lap for us.  We only get so many rides around that big star in the sky that sustains our life here on this fragile planet called earth.  Not to mention it's a title from one of my favorite artists!  But not every day has been easy.  And still on some days I do get sad.  But I know where my strength lies.  It lies in God who is my strength.  If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be here today.  He has given me all of my new beginnings.
     Overall I am thankful for all of the blessings and opportunities I have had in my life.  I want to make my adventures around the sun to be meaningful.  I want to love some one, give to the world, be an example, shine for Jesus, make things, have children, be a good friend........but over all......I just want to live!  So until the next blog, happy writing and living.  This is life as i know it.  Or at least i think....